As this lovely summer inevitably winds down, take heart. There is still time to get away and enjoy a little camping.
Campgrounds, with their services, showers and snack bars, remain a popular choice for folks looking for a relaxing holiday; but there are still plenty of options available to the more intrepid outdoor adventurer.
The great white north is dotted with parks as unspoiled and uncrowded as they are impressive. Canada’s national parks offer a look at this country in its purest form, so check one out.
If you are looking to explore a national park and not spend a lot of money, there are a few short cuts you can try. It’s all in the shirt and shoes.
Find out what the park staff is wearing, and then wear a shirt and shorts to match. Lace up some work boots, and you should be able to move among them, undetected.
If you are leaning towards a longer stay, sew some patches on your shirt of pandas or whales, and say you are a visiting volunteer with a world wildlife organization.
To effectively pull off this trick, you may have to know what you’re talking about. Pick something you are an expert in, or pick something that no one is an expert in, and just wing it.
You might say you are a butterfly expert, and are there to study the flight patterns of the Pine Elfin and Juniper Hairstreak. Then, confuse the locals by claiming butterflies don’t have lungs and they taste with their feet.
If insects aren’t your bag, say you are a bird watcher and are conducting a study on crows and ravens. Tell people crows are as smart or smarter than monkeys, and have been known to use tools and solve complex problems to find food.
If that doesn’t work, tell them crows use language, and can form words if you cut a slit in their tongue. Saying that should give you plenty of space to yourself.
If space and solitude is what you are looking for, tell everyone you meet that you are conducting a scatological survey for the university. Tell them you like to learn about an ecosystem by studying animal droppings. Just don’t be insulted if they refuse a handshake.
If someone asks why you are carrying a fishing pole, tell them that you are studying fish droppings as well, which are notoriously hard to find, so you are going straight to the fish to get them.
When someone asks about the cooler you are carrying, tell them it is filled with a summer’s worth of scatological samples, and should not be opened under any circumstances.
After that, you’ll have the park to yourself; or, at the very least, a secluded campsite with no one to bother you as you soak up the last rays of summer.